New year -New me ( can a post be more predictable?)

Once again I have decided that perhaps this blog is a good outlet for my thoughts and moments of eureka?

The past year was filled of quite mundane things but seeing my little baby grow into a toddler was amazing. Little M has turned out far better than I had hoped for! We have so much fun together and somehow I think I have managed to be the person I wished to be throughout his first year.

It has been a tough year for me, full of questions without any answers; hopes that were never even close to being fullfilled, a job I felt was not meant to be for me and  towards the end of the year I think the lack of sleep mixed with  all the negative emotions trapped in my body took its toll and I developed pneumonia, ashtma as well as I kept getting every bug going around. So I was amongs a lot of other people who could not wait for this year to end so that I somehow felt obliged to start again, fresh and new. I have been reading" the happiness project" by Gretchen Rubin, which is a very easy; light hearted self help book. The author focuses on different personal projects for each month and I am trying to do the same. So this cold, grey month I started with the project: ME. To get my health and energy back. So I took little M to Sweden and stayed at my parents' on the coast. It was more blissful than I could imagine and perfect for getting myself back on track. I went to the gym every day after that I  met up with friends, then I went swimming in the ice cold sea and jumped into a sauna overlooking my beautiful ocean. The evenings were spent by the fire at my parents' house, reading and talking. Could not have wished for a better start of the year!





Yellow, a photo by robinhoodgirl on Flickr.

10 things I found useful to know as a new parent

You can leave the baby to go to the toilet. Relax there, and then go back.

Babies are not harmed if they cry for a minute or two. Even if their nappy is soiled.

When the baby sleeps in the day, try to sleep as well. You are a better parent from it.

Most babies do not sleep the whole night, there is always someone with a worse problem than you so don't compare your nightmares to the lucky few.

Babies don't like surprises so putting them on a routine is better for both them and you in the end.

If breastfeeding; feed for about 25 min on first breast, check that it is emptied - and if baby is still hungry- feed from the other. If the baby falls asleep whilst eating, put him down so that he awakes and then continue. It is important for the baby to get to the hind milk,  and that does not come until about 15 min from start. The hindmilk  is what makes them feel fuller, so if they don't drink that they will soon be hungry again and you can end up feeding nonsstop throughout day and night.

When the baby is a few months, he needs to learn to soothe himself when he wakes up from a sleep cycle. This means that no matter how awful it feels, sometimes it can be better to leave them crying for a little bit in the night when he/she wakes up. (providing he is fed and changed and not ill of course). I have noticed that when we try to do that, most times within a minute he will have fallen back to sleep. This is of course very controversial parenting and we all do what we think is best and work for us but in my case I know that sometimes I have rushed in far too quickly which I believe has made it harder for little Gu to learn to settle by himself.

At 4 months, little Gu suddenly got into waking several times a night and wanting to eat. After a few weeks I was so exhausted I could not function anymore. We were at the parents in law and decided to test a theory I had been told that the baby can smell the mother and her milk and therefore wakes up wanting to eat. So I decided to sleep in a seperate room for 3 days and Mr M had to sleep and feed him. Lo and behold, almost immediately he changed and demanded to be fed less and less.

Little Gu definetely had stomach problems when he was newborn. He was pulling his legs up and screaming from the pain. When we started giving him infacol it immediately helped. Baby massage was also good ( learnt at baby massage Triyoga, primrose hill.) He also loved to listen to soothing music so I  searched for "sound of water" on youtube and found some excellent music to play for him, which literally made him fall asleep immediately.

When the baby is born, they are going through the fourth trimester which is good to remember. So try to do anything as calmly and gently as possible. We were lucky that he was a calm baby from the start but I am sure that it helped that we made sure that he felt protected, warm and cozy all the time. We always made sure that changing the nappy was a nice experience by keeping him in a warm place ( it was freezing as he was in the Swedish winter) one thing we did was to use a fan heater close to the changing table and when he had a bath. So nothing was shocking but just pleasurable for him ( I hope).  Not letting him be in really loud environments or meeting too many new people in one day was also something we adhered to. Basically common sense. We also did wrap him from day 1, which made him instantly calm and happy.

Anyway those are some things that I wished I knew when he was born, it would have saved me a lot of time and energy. Something I have also realized by now is:  never ever thank your lucky star for having a baby who sleeps/eats well, because that can all change by tomorrow!

GOOD LUCK!!

Essentials for the baby

I agree it is so hard to plan what you need for the baby. There is so much stuff out there and all the shops make you feel almost guilty for not owning certain things. Apart from the pram and somewhere to change the baby you do not need much in the first few weeks. Our little Gu slept next to me on a cushion in the beginning since I was scared of hurting him and then for his naps in the day he would sleep in his pram. After a few days I realized that I was getting very sleep in the night since he was quite a loud sleeper and he also moved a lot so I decided to put him in his carry cot for the pram in the nights next to my bed. It was fine for him and he slept in it up to he was old enough to go into his own bed. Of course if you have the money and space, it is nice to splash out on a moses basket or even better:

                                                            The "Leander cradle"

He slept in it when we were visiting friends in Stockholm and absolutely loved it. It is seriously stunning but since it is only safe whilst the baby is not able to pull himself up it does not last for very long. 

The babybjorn baby bouncer

 is great as well for when they are really small and want to be part of the family. It is great to have for when you need your hands free, the baby is normally happy in it since he can look out and see what mummy and daddy are doing whilst playing with some toys in the same time.

We used both the Baby bjorn carrier and the Ergo carrier 

to carry Little Gu around. But you only need one of them. The Ergo I found very comfortable and you can carry the baby on the hip and the back with that one as well. 

A good friend gave us this door swing and Little Gu loves to be in it.

 Since he was tiny he has always like to be upwards standing, so this is a good alternative. It is important to know that to support the baby when he wants to stand up it is crucial to hold them under the armpit. Holding them only in their hands can be very bad on their feet as the bones are not fully developed and can get damaged.

Finally the Bumbo seat, which I have found really useful once he was able to hold his head up. We use it in the bath for washing him and his food mess off and put him in it in the kitchen when I am preparing food. A great saviour.

In the rain

It is still pouring. Day after day. The problem is there seems to be no end to it. What to do but follow the great Swedish saying: there are no bad weathers, only bad clothing! So we go out; me, the baby and my fellow Swedish mummies. All dressed in waterproof clothing head to toe. A good thing is we have it all to ourselves: The Heath, the playgrounds and the streets. By now we have got  used to the wet and today watching little V: 1 and a half years old running down the Heath screaming whilst trying to jump in the next puddle; we realized this is childhood at its best: At one with nature.

And little Gu enjoyed himself too in the pram; jealously laughing whilst watching his best friend play in the water. Imagine what all the children staying indoors are missing!

The new me promises

My promises to myself

1. To start the day with lemon, ginger and water drink.

2. Not stress out of bed but enjoy the precious moments with little Gu waking up to a new day with the sunlight streaming through in the new room.

3. Take more care of my hands, always have painted nails and creme on.

4. Keep on smiling, even through hard times. It makes it all easier.

5. Start having an artist's date again every week.

6. Keep on singing with little Gu.

7. Keep my garden thriving by watering, weeding and nurture it as much as I can , every evening. It pays off, I know!

8. Stay away from crap time wasting webpages that draw me in.

9. Limit my internet time.

10. Stay more positive again.

11. Cakes are treats, not life necessities every day.

12. Start my yoga sessions again, I do feel like a new person one I do it actively.

13. Keep the bed in white sheets.

14. Eat healthier: more grains and lentils, limit my sugar intake once again and start planning new meals more often.

15. Try not to wallow in negativity, it leads to nothing.

16. Go to the theatre more often.

17. Start biking again.

18. Live now.

19. Get excited about London nightlife again and do it!

20. Spend one saturday a month in art galleries and museums.

21. Be more organized and effective.

Rainy days are hard to beat

I have lived in my current flat over five years and I can honestly count the amount of days I have spent the whole day inside on one hand. Being an"outdoor" person it comes naturally to need to be outside in the daylight but for me since I can remember it has always been something of an obsession. It is something I wished I did not need as much though. Our flat is in the basement and the pram is too wide to get upstairs so it takes us always 15 min to get outside, which means I sometimes I wished I could just enjoy the homelife.
If I dig deep I think it stems from me always following my "hippie" mother's instructions as a child and her defitnite motto was and still is: Children should be outside. This has probably led me to me having seriously destroyed my skin from being in the sun for good since I feel very guilty if the sun is out and I am not there catching the rays. ( albeit now I wear factor 50 constantly).
But: yesterday since the weather report was not promising I decided to stay in our newly built scandinavian style ( bright white with large windows) extension, in our cozy bed and see if me and little Gu could survive the day there. It was bliss! The day was spent watching and listening to the rain pouring down in our garden whilst I managed to watch a few episodes of the Swedish tv series ( in swedish only) 30 grader syd, set in lush Thailand.
Sometimes all you need to get a "5 star day"( have you got the "gratitude app" yet?? ) is to do something you never usually do and the day will save itself in your beautiful day memory archive

Why can't I even get started?

I bought a book a few years ago called "What to do when you want to do everything. That pretty much sums up parts of my life.
Like now for example: I can not even seemt to get a blog post down bcause: wait for it; I have too much in my head. Too many thoughts, so I don't know where to start. How to entangle some threads and actually put them down in the blog. Even my notebook is filled to the brim but so unorganized I don't know which page to start on. I have thousands of pictures and hundreds of pinterest pins that I could post, but instead; nothing.
I think the reason might be that I put so much pressure on myself;  I judge my day to day musings with all these amazing blogs. I should just do it for myself and get on with it, now!

To my twenty something year old self

I want you to know that everything will be ok in the end. You might not ever find the meaning of life during your lifetime, but I am confident you are better off not knowing the whole truth. The searching is what makes you. Because if you had found it what was there left to look for? A life without any difficulties?

You will understand that it is the challenges that makes you grow, makes you into the person you are.

Satisfaction can be your worst enemy. Of course you need to value what you have- without that you will not be happy today; but if everything is good -if you don't want anything, then apathy sinks in. That is not you.

You are unique -crazy and difficult sometimes, but that is what will get you somewhere in the end. Why try to be the same as others? Try to find your own voice -speak out, because when you do; people will listen. By being you; you will get everything you wanted, ( also what you did not know you wanted) so chill out, don't be so hard on yourself. Enjoy the journey!

Be proud of yourself for sticking out. Of course you would not become who you are in your mid thirties without all the self doubt, soul searching and sometimes very self destructive behaviour.But the friends that will stay with you and the people whom you will love are of the best nature in every way.

Don't stress about not being in the right place at that moment of time, all of it will come. Mabye a bit later than for others, but it is your journey and what a journey it is!

Summer is here

Why does London always go from winter straight into summer?
I am not sure how good it is:

To never ever get to wear the "spring clothes". In Sweden every wardrobe consists of at least the "spring jacket" but the ones I own I have never worn here in London. They are oh so beautiful, some are in leather but with a tiny bit of lining which makes them to warm for now. At the moment it is to warm even for a jumper, the whole of London is out in sandals and short skirts!

It does not give us or the animals a chance to long for summer. When spring is here there is always a feeling of what is to come. We are happy and walk around knowing that it will only get better. But now, we take the weather for granted, sun is here to stay etc. But really since it is only March, we will probably indeed get rain, and then we will all be so terrible annoyed with the weather and forget what we have had this week in March. Was it only spring we would accept rain and know soon the real thing is here!

The flowers are out too early. The flowers which are normally here around easter have already bloomed so what is left for the summer soon??

We are in draught already here in London, so the sun does not exactly help that or the flowers which might pop up later on since there is already now a hosepipe ban.

But since it is summer now, go out enjoy it. Soak up every ray possible since the summer will probably be like most english summers: wet and cold!

A few embarassing facts you did not know about me

I really am quite shy: Why oh why did I then decide that my one true call in life was to be an actress?  Most actors I know actually suffer from the same problem. It is as if we expose ourselves completely in the most scary place ie the stage, then hopefully we will finally feel loved.

I really am a traditional country bumpkin at heart: One thing I do love, and miss about Sweden is that you can still find some innocence left. We stick to the traditions; without being embarassed about it. How otherwise can you explain a group of adults dancing around a may pole pretending to be pigs?

Living in a city was never my plan. Time passed and the older I got the quicker the years seemed to pass by. I am embarassed about the fact that I always knew that London and I was not meant to be , but somehow I am still here. I wish I could have appreciated the city for all it's worth and actually lived more in the now than having blamed it for all my shortcomings. London is the greatest city on earth and when I realised that; I started to really enjoy it and moaned a bit less to my close friends about it.

I really am not as kind as I wish I was. If I was, I would not even have to think about it. But is it possible to be genuienly kind when you live in a city? With all the competition, unfriendliness and ugliness - surely that must make us worse people? Maybe it is not even our fault?

I am almost impossible to please;  I am not talking about perfection in the day to day running of a household ( yes, yet again: I know I am not running the bloody Down Town Abbey) No I am talking about cafes, bars, holidays - anything which costs money basically, I need to know that I have picked the best and that there is not something else better around the corner. This of course can drive even the most sane friend crazy, including myself. But... I have got better - I realized during my trip that I was missing all the beauty around me- in the quest for the ultimate coffee experience!

I expect too much from friends and relatives; It has taken me years to realize that we are all different and value different things which of course means that what I think is important might not be what my best friend would think twice about and vice versa. As long as we agree on certain core values it is best to not judge each others faults. If there is love, then there is respect and that is what friendships needs to nourish you.

Before I was a mother myself I had a very low opinion on how new mother's behaved( for various obvious reasons) Now I understand why they behaved loopy and different to "avant" mummyhood, it's impossible not to. With all the lack of sleep; of course you don't think twice about investing in that fluorescent green plastic jungle cot mobile which means you might even be able to take a quick shower...

I have a very bad temper; it seems like it has almost vanished but I am sure that is there enough fuel ,a bomb will go off once again.

I am a fake environmentalis; there, I said it. - Being Swedish brings a certain kind of environmental awareness; when I could count my age on one hand I remember being in an exhibition where they had amassed the amount of rubbish one person throws out in a lifetime - that left its mark on me. But in London I have developed a real dislike and almost hatred for anyone who does not follow the commandments of green living. The problem is that I am one of them:
 I have been known to shop in Primark. I use bleach ( when noone sees) I buy the plastic wrapped-newspapers as well as the fruit which has been wrapped in 3 layers of diffent plastics, I have  killed a fish or two by throwing out the paint brush solvents when I was too lazy to pour it back to reuse it. I even leave the bottle and paper cup's plastic lid on  when I recycle them. I can not be bothered sometimes to print on both sides - well, you get the point.

 I am embarassingly controlling. of course I believe I am not, I mean my name and controlling do NOT go together; I am sure most people would agree. Is there anything unsexier than a control freak?? I always think I am a free, impulsive, outgoing, easy person who don't care what we do as long as I am with people I love. In reality I can not even be entirely grateful for gifts- not even flowers since it might not even be the exact blooms I favour. I mean, I even need to make sure that Mr M does not mix different flavours of Jelly Bellys! Poor, poor loved ones.

I pack my luggage days in advance. This obivously goes hand in hand with the controlling side of me. What would I do if I did not have the adapter, charger, my potions and the right shoes upon arrival? I hate waste; so for me having to buy an extra set of something is infuriating. But even in my day to day living I can not stand if I have forgotten something at home, so I make sure not to. Which means my handbag is way to heavy for my broken back. Imagine how much I have to carry around now I have a baby as well!! the pram has tipped over quite a lot of times already. It drives Mr M insane that I have never ever managed to leave the house without having to go back for something. I need extra layers, medicines, sunglasses, extra shoes in case the ones I wear are uncomfortable, creams, well you name it. It is all in there.