Well I am here, but somehow I can not get myself together to write. I have seen most of my friends over the last few weeks: having them over for long breakfasts or just meeting outside for a walk. Of course that is what I have been longing for, but also to use this time to be creative. And that is where the writer's block comes in: why oh why? when I have the time and all necessities I need to I not get a word down?
I am so dissapointed in myself. For years this is what I have dreamt of: to have time to myself to do all the creative things that I never found the time for when i was working ( like writing a book, painting larger paintings, reading as much as I can, finish my different knitting projects... )The thing that seems to stop me is that I don't have a 9-5 job! How hilarious, I never thought I was one of those ambitious women but I obviously am. I have been working since I was very young. Even though I was studying I always made sure that I was working as well.
I feel guilty for not working but guilty for feeling guilty.. But somehow I find my days are filled with doing duties which basically takes up the whole day. I am not sure, maybe I am in some sort of afterchock from being back. It is a huge change:I am back in the grey and cold, and every day I venture ou:t I seem to spend much more than I think I deserve. London is tricky like that, but of course if it was warmer it would be a bit easier to just have a picknick!
Anyway, now is a new day and for the moment I have the flat all to myself- time to get active and find inspiration in my new daily life. Of course it is not all doom and gloom, I see some light in the distance, due to me religiously doing my morning pages ( see An artist's way) which I know always have a big impact on my life as well as of course the daily yoga practise.
I am so dissapointed in myself. For years this is what I have dreamt of: to have time to myself to do all the creative things that I never found the time for when i was working ( like writing a book, painting larger paintings, reading as much as I can, finish my different knitting projects... )The thing that seems to stop me is that I don't have a 9-5 job! How hilarious, I never thought I was one of those ambitious women but I obviously am. I have been working since I was very young. Even though I was studying I always made sure that I was working as well.
I feel guilty for not working but guilty for feeling guilty.. But somehow I find my days are filled with doing duties which basically takes up the whole day. I am not sure, maybe I am in some sort of afterchock from being back. It is a huge change:I am back in the grey and cold, and every day I venture ou:t I seem to spend much more than I think I deserve. London is tricky like that, but of course if it was warmer it would be a bit easier to just have a picknick!
Anyway, now is a new day and for the moment I have the flat all to myself- time to get active and find inspiration in my new daily life. Of course it is not all doom and gloom, I see some light in the distance, due to me religiously doing my morning pages ( see An artist's way) which I know always have a big impact on my life as well as of course the daily yoga practise.
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