The new me promises

My promises to myself

1. To start the day with lemon, ginger and water drink.

2. Not stress out of bed but enjoy the precious moments with little Gu waking up to a new day with the sunlight streaming through in the new room.

3. Take more care of my hands, always have painted nails and creme on.

4. Keep on smiling, even through hard times. It makes it all easier.

5. Start having an artist's date again every week.

6. Keep on singing with little Gu.

7. Keep my garden thriving by watering, weeding and nurture it as much as I can , every evening. It pays off, I know!

8. Stay away from crap time wasting webpages that draw me in.

9. Limit my internet time.

10. Stay more positive again.

11. Cakes are treats, not life necessities every day.

12. Start my yoga sessions again, I do feel like a new person one I do it actively.

13. Keep the bed in white sheets.

14. Eat healthier: more grains and lentils, limit my sugar intake once again and start planning new meals more often.

15. Try not to wallow in negativity, it leads to nothing.

16. Go to the theatre more often.

17. Start biking again.

18. Live now.

19. Get excited about London nightlife again and do it!

20. Spend one saturday a month in art galleries and museums.

21. Be more organized and effective.

Rainy days are hard to beat

I have lived in my current flat over five years and I can honestly count the amount of days I have spent the whole day inside on one hand. Being an"outdoor" person it comes naturally to need to be outside in the daylight but for me since I can remember it has always been something of an obsession. It is something I wished I did not need as much though. Our flat is in the basement and the pram is too wide to get upstairs so it takes us always 15 min to get outside, which means I sometimes I wished I could just enjoy the homelife.
If I dig deep I think it stems from me always following my "hippie" mother's instructions as a child and her defitnite motto was and still is: Children should be outside. This has probably led me to me having seriously destroyed my skin from being in the sun for good since I feel very guilty if the sun is out and I am not there catching the rays. ( albeit now I wear factor 50 constantly).
But: yesterday since the weather report was not promising I decided to stay in our newly built scandinavian style ( bright white with large windows) extension, in our cozy bed and see if me and little Gu could survive the day there. It was bliss! The day was spent watching and listening to the rain pouring down in our garden whilst I managed to watch a few episodes of the Swedish tv series ( in swedish only) 30 grader syd, set in lush Thailand.
Sometimes all you need to get a "5 star day"( have you got the "gratitude app" yet?? ) is to do something you never usually do and the day will save itself in your beautiful day memory archive

Why can't I even get started?

I bought a book a few years ago called "What to do when you want to do everything. That pretty much sums up parts of my life.
Like now for example: I can not even seemt to get a blog post down bcause: wait for it; I have too much in my head. Too many thoughts, so I don't know where to start. How to entangle some threads and actually put them down in the blog. Even my notebook is filled to the brim but so unorganized I don't know which page to start on. I have thousands of pictures and hundreds of pinterest pins that I could post, but instead; nothing.
I think the reason might be that I put so much pressure on myself;  I judge my day to day musings with all these amazing blogs. I should just do it for myself and get on with it, now!

To my twenty something year old self

I want you to know that everything will be ok in the end. You might not ever find the meaning of life during your lifetime, but I am confident you are better off not knowing the whole truth. The searching is what makes you. Because if you had found it what was there left to look for? A life without any difficulties?

You will understand that it is the challenges that makes you grow, makes you into the person you are.

Satisfaction can be your worst enemy. Of course you need to value what you have- without that you will not be happy today; but if everything is good -if you don't want anything, then apathy sinks in. That is not you.

You are unique -crazy and difficult sometimes, but that is what will get you somewhere in the end. Why try to be the same as others? Try to find your own voice -speak out, because when you do; people will listen. By being you; you will get everything you wanted, ( also what you did not know you wanted) so chill out, don't be so hard on yourself. Enjoy the journey!

Be proud of yourself for sticking out. Of course you would not become who you are in your mid thirties without all the self doubt, soul searching and sometimes very self destructive behaviour.But the friends that will stay with you and the people whom you will love are of the best nature in every way.

Don't stress about not being in the right place at that moment of time, all of it will come. Mabye a bit later than for others, but it is your journey and what a journey it is!

Summer is here

Why does London always go from winter straight into summer?
I am not sure how good it is:

To never ever get to wear the "spring clothes". In Sweden every wardrobe consists of at least the "spring jacket" but the ones I own I have never worn here in London. They are oh so beautiful, some are in leather but with a tiny bit of lining which makes them to warm for now. At the moment it is to warm even for a jumper, the whole of London is out in sandals and short skirts!

It does not give us or the animals a chance to long for summer. When spring is here there is always a feeling of what is to come. We are happy and walk around knowing that it will only get better. But now, we take the weather for granted, sun is here to stay etc. But really since it is only March, we will probably indeed get rain, and then we will all be so terrible annoyed with the weather and forget what we have had this week in March. Was it only spring we would accept rain and know soon the real thing is here!

The flowers are out too early. The flowers which are normally here around easter have already bloomed so what is left for the summer soon??

We are in draught already here in London, so the sun does not exactly help that or the flowers which might pop up later on since there is already now a hosepipe ban.

But since it is summer now, go out enjoy it. Soak up every ray possible since the summer will probably be like most english summers: wet and cold!

A few embarassing facts you did not know about me

I really am quite shy: Why oh why did I then decide that my one true call in life was to be an actress?  Most actors I know actually suffer from the same problem. It is as if we expose ourselves completely in the most scary place ie the stage, then hopefully we will finally feel loved.

I really am a traditional country bumpkin at heart: One thing I do love, and miss about Sweden is that you can still find some innocence left. We stick to the traditions; without being embarassed about it. How otherwise can you explain a group of adults dancing around a may pole pretending to be pigs?

Living in a city was never my plan. Time passed and the older I got the quicker the years seemed to pass by. I am embarassed about the fact that I always knew that London and I was not meant to be , but somehow I am still here. I wish I could have appreciated the city for all it's worth and actually lived more in the now than having blamed it for all my shortcomings. London is the greatest city on earth and when I realised that; I started to really enjoy it and moaned a bit less to my close friends about it.

I really am not as kind as I wish I was. If I was, I would not even have to think about it. But is it possible to be genuienly kind when you live in a city? With all the competition, unfriendliness and ugliness - surely that must make us worse people? Maybe it is not even our fault?

I am almost impossible to please;  I am not talking about perfection in the day to day running of a household ( yes, yet again: I know I am not running the bloody Down Town Abbey) No I am talking about cafes, bars, holidays - anything which costs money basically, I need to know that I have picked the best and that there is not something else better around the corner. This of course can drive even the most sane friend crazy, including myself. But... I have got better - I realized during my trip that I was missing all the beauty around me- in the quest for the ultimate coffee experience!

I expect too much from friends and relatives; It has taken me years to realize that we are all different and value different things which of course means that what I think is important might not be what my best friend would think twice about and vice versa. As long as we agree on certain core values it is best to not judge each others faults. If there is love, then there is respect and that is what friendships needs to nourish you.

Before I was a mother myself I had a very low opinion on how new mother's behaved( for various obvious reasons) Now I understand why they behaved loopy and different to "avant" mummyhood, it's impossible not to. With all the lack of sleep; of course you don't think twice about investing in that fluorescent green plastic jungle cot mobile which means you might even be able to take a quick shower...

I have a very bad temper; it seems like it has almost vanished but I am sure that is there enough fuel ,a bomb will go off once again.

I am a fake environmentalis; there, I said it. - Being Swedish brings a certain kind of environmental awareness; when I could count my age on one hand I remember being in an exhibition where they had amassed the amount of rubbish one person throws out in a lifetime - that left its mark on me. But in London I have developed a real dislike and almost hatred for anyone who does not follow the commandments of green living. The problem is that I am one of them:
 I have been known to shop in Primark. I use bleach ( when noone sees) I buy the plastic wrapped-newspapers as well as the fruit which has been wrapped in 3 layers of diffent plastics, I have  killed a fish or two by throwing out the paint brush solvents when I was too lazy to pour it back to reuse it. I even leave the bottle and paper cup's plastic lid on  when I recycle them. I can not be bothered sometimes to print on both sides - well, you get the point.

 I am embarassingly controlling. of course I believe I am not, I mean my name and controlling do NOT go together; I am sure most people would agree. Is there anything unsexier than a control freak?? I always think I am a free, impulsive, outgoing, easy person who don't care what we do as long as I am with people I love. In reality I can not even be entirely grateful for gifts- not even flowers since it might not even be the exact blooms I favour. I mean, I even need to make sure that Mr M does not mix different flavours of Jelly Bellys! Poor, poor loved ones.

I pack my luggage days in advance. This obivously goes hand in hand with the controlling side of me. What would I do if I did not have the adapter, charger, my potions and the right shoes upon arrival? I hate waste; so for me having to buy an extra set of something is infuriating. But even in my day to day living I can not stand if I have forgotten something at home, so I make sure not to. Which means my handbag is way to heavy for my broken back. Imagine how much I have to carry around now I have a baby as well!! the pram has tipped over quite a lot of times already. It drives Mr M insane that I have never ever managed to leave the house without having to go back for something. I need extra layers, medicines, sunglasses, extra shoes in case the ones I wear are uncomfortable, creams, well you name it. It is all in there.

Count to ten

When I am upset or angry with someone close I have a few remedies that immediately put things in perspective and can even make me happy again:

Churches: It is almost impossible to feel hatred or anger in a peaceful church. There is so much history in them: all those weddings, funerals and meetings that have taken place there have left them feeling so powerful and serious. But I never feel alone in them, instead I feel I am part of something bigger than myself. I live across a huge church, but I rarely go in there.  But when I do, I realize how small my problems are and I am immediately grateful for my life and what I have.

Zoo: This is a difficult one: Since I love animals I really should not set my foot ever in one. But;  unfortunately I do.
A lot.
In fact; as I live about 10 min from the London zoo I tend to go most weeks. I can not help but love being close to the animals,  I forget any worries and can sit for hours watching the penguins, giraffes or one of the many monkeys in there. And when I enter the butterfly tent and close my eye, I am taken back to the jungles of some of my favourite places: Borneo, Costa Rica, Brazil and I can not imagine getting angry again! it is awful I know, they are all in cages and I am outside staring at them. I am sure if you have been in the zoo lately you have entered the Gorilla kingdom and noticed the sadness in the gorilla's eyes. BUT....hopefully the zoo will bring awareness to endangered species and teach future generations about conservationism which they might not be interested in had they not seen with their own eyes these incredible animals.

The Heath.

So many good memories, such beauty in a big city like London. Oh, we are lucky to be here. In fact we even named our son after it!

So tell me: how do you calm down when you are bursting in the seams?

Satisfied, who me? Never!

Why I am so confused?

I was so naive before I had little Gu. I thought being off work would mean lots of time for me to do what I have put on hold: cook all those recipes stored away ( actually; first organize them into the recipe folder), do voluntary work in the zoo with little Gu on the back, write that children's book I have in my

Why am I never just content and satisfied?

I used to read all the bestsellers of the "self help" shelf. Somehow I never got bored of learning how to become a better person, how to find the meaning of life, how to be in the NOW and how to have the most amazing relationships. Not sure if any of them really gave me more insight into how to live a happy life; I decided to quit them and listen to my inner voice. 

But it always asks for more. It is never truly still, even during the meditation class ( actually it is louder than ever during that class). So what is wrong with me? 

After my months of travelling the world, I thought I had finally got it! I was constantly on a high; never ever negative, I saw the best in everything and everyone, counted my blessings and so fourth, until; I started to worry that maybe it was not to last:  Maybe the combination of having had a fantastic year in some of the most incredible places in the world and being loaded with lots of pregnancy hormones had something to do with the fact that I believed I had "found myself". Would I get a hangover once the baby was born 9 months after arriving home from the trip?

Of course I did, it slowly crept up on me. How could it not? When the first few weeks after little Gu was born and the happiness hormones started to leave me, I came back to my old self with a big bang!  

But then the more I started to think about being satisfied and "the grass is always greener on the other side" the more I realized that is it really such a bad thing? I mean if everyone was content and happy with their life nothing would really change. Would it?  Noone would dare to strive for more, or challenge themselves; we would all stagnate basically. So being completely satisfied is basically counter productive  to today's modern society, at least for me and I therefore should stop trying to reach that state!

Being back

I have been wanting to write for so long, but life with a newborn has held me back and somehow time has passed and it has felt harder and harder to come back. I mean how do I sum up these past few months?

Do I just skip the biggest event of my life and fill the pages with the now?

It probably is the only way that I can come back into blogging, so that is what I will do. Maybe in the next few weeks it will feel like an easier task but for now, my challenge is to be back here in the evenings and write about whatever I feel I need to put down. To be honest, with a rawness and hopefully bring some beauty into the blog.

9 months of waiting is over

I have not been able to blog as I had to focus on other things until the baby arrived; i e work...


 Spring passed very quickly and before we knew it as always May was showing a taster of what summer would be like; or not.
What is it with summers in London nowadays? When I first moved to London it felt like summers were when I could go swimming in Hampstead Heath and spend the evenings in shorts outside a pub or cafe. This whole summer went by in an instant since it rained nonstop so there was no real summer feeling of: let's stay outside and socialise. Instead it seemed like throughout June and July people just seemed to go home straight after work since it was pouring down and cold anyway. Not that I complained!
For me the weather was perfect. Being highly pregnant in a London summer was not something I was looking forward to; but instead it turned out the coldest for years so I just continued to enjoy my life with a growing stomach  ( biking in rain gear whilst being 8 months pregnant can be a bit of a challenge though).


Every day for 9 months I have counted my blessings and realized how lucky I am for everything in my life. I am sure that had I not gone travelling maybe I would not have felt the same way. I try to only see solutions, life can be a challenge many a times, but of course: feeling that it all leads to us learning something new makes all these challenges more understandable.
Throughout this year I have been trying to work as much as possible but always make sure that every day is special and that I smile through it. 


 I decided early on that I wanted to have the baby in Sweden so through the 9 months we have been travelling to and from Stockholm for scans and seeing friends. It has been the most amazing 9 months I could ever imagine. Every time we have been to Sweden we have felt like we were on holiday and made every check up truly special. 

Of course a trip to Stockholm always consists of a fika at Rosendahls trädgårdar

I have always been fond of old Swedish school posters

Foam cafe Karlavagen, so happy to be with friends and family

The wonderful cafe at the photographic museum